One of the things I really don't like about today's culture is the tendency to over-schedule, over-commit and overindulge. After the last few minutes, I think I'm part of the problem.
Nothing is ever really "easy" with five kids, and I'm not naive enough to think it's going to just "get better," but I really didn't want it to be like this. My boys (10, 9, and 6) decided that they wanted to try baseball this year. That's fine, and I have no problem with that. But I do have a couple of issues. First, three kids are now on three different teams in three different age-based leagues. Next, my oldest, having never really played before, is a little behind most of the other kids who 1. go to school with each other (we homeschool) and 2. have much more experience. Both of those are no big deal. I'm thinking though there's a tendency to take the "game" a little too seriously. For instance, I personally think it's kinda dumb to wear uniforms to practice (which means he looks out of place as well)
All that I could deal with though. What's frustrating me is stuff like tonight. I get home in time to help my wife load everyone up to get to one ball field where Tanner is practicing and where she's meeting a friend who's picking up Chandler to take him to another ball field for practice at the same time (just two different places). What happens? Tension. Pressure. Hurt feelings. Snippy talk. Anger. Miscommunication.
That should not and will not characterize my family and the relationships within it. So what to do? We're just in the first week. Haven't even had a game yet. I'm home because I've got people coming over for a meeting so I can't even help "divide and conquer." I'm about ready at this point to tell the boys, "sorry, the battle of scheduling and getting you all where you need to go when you need to be there is one that has too much collateral damage and it's not worth it. Sorry we made a mistake, but no baseball this year."
Would that solve the problem? For that matter, what is the real problem? Is it that participation is difficult? Is it that my attitude stinks? I don't know. All I know is right now, it seems like my family is suffering (specifically my wife and myself) because we're spread too thin.
Any suggestions?
What would you do?
What's most important?
About Me
- Jason Ebeling
- I love being married to my wife Lora. We met in high school in Minnesota (go Vikings) and moved to North Carolina to start a church after being in Student ministry for almost 10 years , most of it in Brandon, FL. To top it all off we've got 5 kids (3 boys, a girl and ANOTHER GIRL!!)
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10 comments:
First, I would pray about the sittution. I would also talk to your wife and get her input on taking the boys out of baseball before it gets going. then talk to the boys. God will let you know whats right. Just PRAY PRAY PRAY.
I would pray, but the boys are never going to be this age again and it is something that they will remember forever. I would talk to the coaches and see if they could pick one up and take to practice and stuff. get coordinated and let everyone know they are important. my dad never went to any of my games nor took me to practice and now I go overboard to make sure I am at almost everything.
I'm feeling better about it today. Lora and I talked last night and we're both on the same page which is we'll hold out until we get a schedule and then go from there. IT is the first week and some of these coaches only got their teams a couple days ago so with games starting next week, I can understand wanting 3 or 4 two hour practices. Just don't expect it to continue.
Wait, let me get this straight— It's the first week of something that is going to take creative scheduling, you haven't done before, requires you to be in two (or more) places at once, and everything didn't go smoothly? I'm SHOCKED!
Ok, now that my sarcasm has been satisfied, I'll be serious. It's going to be hard, and not having a reference point or model to follow, it's going to be stressful. I reccommend getting a big calendar that you can write down the schedules and assign you and Lora different colors to make sure you are not double booked. Also, try to make sure the kids know that while you can't be at every practice or game for each of them, you will try to get to the same number of games for each of them. That way your and Lora's time is distributed equally between the kids.
We'll be praying for you. I'm such a loser I have the same problems and I only have ONE kid.
By the way, when do the girls start dance lessons?
-Jim
Dear Friend -
My suggestion:
be sure that your kids are as invested in this as you are; are they really into this activity? do they have other homeschoolers they can do this with? do you intend to go through this with basketball, soccer, cheerleading and curling as well?
What I did:
I limited my tribe to one major activity or sport; my kids played soccer, but had to give it up when they chose to play football, even though the seasons didn't conflict; my daughter played softball but had other things she wanted to do more and she gave it up.
What's most important:
give your kids the freedom to chose which activity they want to pursue and set the expectaion that they make sacrifices which may include other sports or activities; have peace that you will not be able to hold the camera at every game for every kid every week; do your best, you are making sacrifices too!
Love from Riverview
Stop your whining..."It's not a tumor!!"
Practically, "be angry and sin not." (kinda round about but bare with me) Anger is not a sin but what is done in anger can be. Busyness is not a sin, but what we accomplish in the midst of busyness is the thermometer.
God sidelined Paul to write most of the New Testament....but he let him stay busy for a while before that. If Paul sidelined himself before God did...there would have been fewer church starts....if he refused to go to the sideline when God told him to....you would have less to preach from on Sundays.
What does this have to do with Baseball...I don't know, your the Pastor. Figure it out.
Miss you and yours,
The Councils
Scott Whitaker from Kings as anonymous. You have to give your boys the opportunity to play if they want to. Even if they aren't successful and it takes every bit of patience for you to make it happen. They will resent you later in life for not having the same opportunities as their friends.
Also, as long as you keep your values, make sure the boys learn it is just a game and that it's not life or death-you'll be fine. Organized sports are great character builders and team builders where they are depended on by their team mates. We as parents usually mess it up by putting too much pressure on the kids.
If they commit, make sure they put the effort in and don't let them quit. Do everything as to the Lord. As in "Facing the Giants", we shouldn't leave anything on the table. We should give God everything, even if it is Little League.
As for you and the wife, make the boys responsible to be ready to go. If they are not ready, they don't go. Set a time they are to be waiting and it's their choice. Then explain to the coaches that you have 3 boys in 3 different age groups and one may be late to practice at times. They will understand. If you don't get frantic, your kids won't either.
I'll continue to pray for you on this. When are you guys coming back for a visit?
Thanks for all you folks emailing and posting comments here. While it was a little tense when I wrote this, things have settled considerably and Lora and I are united in our decision to let the boys experiment and get through this season. Lora kinda wishes I hadn't posted this, but hey, it's what I was feeling and thinking and that's what I write. So again, thanks for the advice, prayers and encouragement. Keep it coming, I'm sure there's more "stuff" that will come up in the weeks, months and years to come.
why do you home school your kids?
Good question. While people homeschool for various reasons (religious, protectionist, etc) the main reason we've chosen to homeschool is we like being around our kids and would rather spend the little bit of time we have with them together, learning, exploring life and growing, then sending them off to let someone else do that for 8 or so hours a day. That's the main reason. Of course we also have different views and values then the public school system in some areas and think we can be more effective than even private schools. But again, the main reason is we just like being around our kids and don't want to miss out on life's little moments (like learning to read, understanding a science or math concept, or just discussing life)
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