The F-word (part 2)

The idea that forgiveness is conditional flies in the face of most of today's modern psychology, self-help, popular culture ideas. We are told all the time to "forgive and forget," to "make peace with your past" and to forgive ourselves. All great ideas but not very biblically sound. The fact that we hear these all the time is just one more testimony to how far we are from understanding what forgiveness really is (and isn't).

The conditional nature of forgiveness brought up one particular question from a number of people and that is, what do you do with people who are no longer around (dead or otherwise non-contactable)? How do you forgive them? The short answer is you don't because you can't. They cannot repent and ask forgiveness so you cannot and do not need to feel a need to forgive them.

The immediate objection is something along the lines of "Aren't we commanded to forgive others because Jesus said, 'if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins'" [Matt 6:15] What Jesus said was true, but let me ask you a question. Does Jesus forgive you, me or anybody if they don't want to be forgiven, if they don't want their sins covered, removed and their guilt lifted? Think this through, because if you think the answer is yes, then all people are saved apart from any faith, profession, or trust in Jesus Christ and His death - whether they want to be or not.

We can't just look at that verse, but also others that tell us how to treat someone who sins against us. In Matthew 18:15-17, there is a very clear process for addressing sin and forgiveness is dependent upon repentance. Luke 17:3-4, same thing. So, still the question remains what to do about people who have sinned against us that we can no longer contact?

Mark 11:25-26 comes to mind "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your sins." Seems pretty clear cut right? We need to forgive people whether they want it or not. Not so fast.

Jesus is talking about prayer here, and while it seems cut and dry, we can't simply dismiss what else Jesus said about dealing with someone who's sinned against us. For instance, say you've followed the steps of Matthew 18/Luke 17. You've rebuked someone for the sin they've committed against you, brought a few witnesses and even told the church and they're still unrepentant. Jesus said to treat them like an unbeliever or a pagan. Yet here in Mark people think he's saying forgive them whether they ask for it or not - whether they want it or not.

I believe Jesus is talking about having a willingness to forgive. Some might call it a forgiving spirit. In this case, forgiveness will come if and when they ask, and because you're willing, your relationship with God is OK - he'll forgive your sins because there's nothing between you and God.

A similar passage would be Matthew 5:23-24 "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." Similar situation except this time YOU are the bad guy who hurt someone instead of the one who was hurt. God's desire is that you be reconciled, that your relationships be right, so He says go do that first and then your relationship with God will be clear of obstacles and interference.

So, if there's someone who's hurt you that you can't connect with, while you can't forgive them, you can have a spirit of forgiveness that keeps you in right relationship with God himself. That's all you can do and that's all you must do. Anything else is playing God and I think that position is filled already.