The Deed Is Done

The coundown is finished. Yesterday I had breakfast, did a little work, ran a staff meeting, grabbed lunch and then headed off to the "death chamber" otherwise known as the urologist's office. My lovely and supportive wife came along because they told me I couldn't drive home afterwards and who was I to question the doctor's orders? Lora couldn't stop snickering, recalling all the times when her "private world" had been invaded by doctors and babies and I'd been there smiling and holding her hand. This was going to be a marriage milemarker.

We waited in the lobby - which was empty except for one other person - and I cringed every time the doors to the examine rooms opened, only to reveal patients who were leaving. This went on for almost 40 minutes, Lora giggling and me trying to play this off as no big deal, but feeling like the end was all too near.

Finally I got called back and decided to let Lora join me since it was only a 10 minute procedure and I figured it was the least I could do. On the way back she comments that she won't be like me who always asked "Can I watch?" and then quizzed the doctor about whatever was happening (that's the way I ended up being allowed to actually deliver two of our five kids!). In the room I dropped my drawers, threw on the paper towel they kindly provided 'for my comfort' and waited for the dreaded doctor. He walks in and the first thing Lora says is "Can I watch?" Hilarious.

I didn't know they had stirrups, but they did. So the Dr. starts cracking jokes like "well they didn't give me any numbing medicine so I'll have to do it without it" and "Is this your first time doing this? Mine too." I am starting to understand how my wife has felt so many times before as I slide into position - legs mounted up in the stirrups and all the glory of "man land" displayed to some funny guy I've met once who has a knife that he's about to use on me! So he starts, Lora stands up to watch and starts asking questions..."what's that?" and "that's it huh?" Funny man asks if she'd like to "cut the cord" and I immediately sense the irony and know what her answer is going to be. Yes, we're going to 'share' this experience and participate in it together...how lovely, how romantic......how strange.

The Dr. hands my nurse wife the scissors and simply says, "Cut here." And it's over. The Dr. comments that what he just witnessed (and I experienced first hand!) was a first for him. My wife is smiling, feeling a vicarious sense of accomplishment and she comforts me as I begin to sob at all I've lost. Not really. But seriously, the doctor stitches me up, tells me to sit up, explains the after care and allows me to get dressed. I feel violated and like everybody knows what's just happened as we walk to the front desk to pay the co-pay. I also feel like a dog leaving with his tail between his legs. I feel strange, but honestly glad that my wife is there with me. We leave, fill my prescription for Tylenol with codeine and go home to my new best friends...ice packs and frozen peas. Oh, the things we do for love.