Hard Work

Let me just say right up front that marriage is hard work. I know, not just because I'm married, but because I get to hear story after story of couples who are having marriage problems. But it's more than that. The reason I know it's hard work is because for the vast majority of these couples, that's all it would take to not just improve their marriages, but to thrive in them. I honestly believe that.

So let me offer a little advice, not from a guy who's done working, but from a guy who has plenty of work left to do (which is part of what inspired this post)

• Love is expressed in many different ways and just because you think you're communicating love to your spouse, doesn't mean they're hearing that message. Learn your spouse's love language and speak it fluently.
  
• Nobody can read your mind. If you haven't spoken it out loud, assume they have no idea what you're thinking, what bothers you, what you'd like or don't like. It's simple communication, but words work best.
  
• It doesn't matter if you "don't want to." For that matter, they "don't want to" have to tell you something for the 16 bazillionth time. Nobody wants to do the hard work...it's part of our sin nature, we're naturally lazy when it comes to things we "don't want to" do. Get over it. Nothing will change if you don't work at it and the fact that you "don't want to" is a far cry from not being able to.
  
• Once is never enough. Just because you got it right once doesn't mean anything. Consistent effort over time is what matters. Wow, you brought her flowers - once. Great, you went to a NASCAR race with him. Congratulations. But make it your habit to put your spouse and their needs above yours. If you've got a problem with that, see the point right before this.
  
• How your spouse acts, speaks, behaves is not an excuse. At the end of your life, God's not going to ask you "how did your spouse act?" And He's not going to be as understanding as the friend you dump on when your wife's being a pill or your husband's being a bum. He's going to want to know if you were obedient. Husband - did you love your wife like Christ loved the church? Wife - did you respect your husband? Now answer those questions in the present tense and stop looking for circumstantial excuses or someone to blame.
  
• Pray together. It's really hard to be mad or in a wrong state of mind when you pray together. Husbands need to take the lead on this one. Sure it's tough to start if you haven't done it often or regularly before, but what makes you think it's supposed to be easy? Remember, marriage is hard work. So instead of trying to do all that hard work on your own, enlist the help of God himself to change you and your spouse. If he made the world, he can certainly fix your wife's attitude or your husband's irresponsibility.

I'm sure I could go on, but those are where I'm at now. Maybe I'll add to it later. Would love to hear some feedback on it. I really just can't stand it when people bail out on their marriage because "it's just too hard" or "nothing changes". If nothing changes, stop and consider that maybe you haven't changed either . . . . and that just might be because you don't like hard work.